“We become sick because we act in sickening ways”
Louis Jourard
It is impossible to be filled with fear or anger when we live a life based on respect. Illness and self-hatred are a direct consequence of our lack of respect, both of ourselves, others and the world we live in.
Respect elevates ourselves and others, leads to integrity, meaning, and living a life of worth. Then, whatever happens, we feel good about ourselves. To dissolve all kinds of pain, harm and loneliness, simply look and see if you are living a life worthy of respect.
Living A Life Worthy of Respect
Deep within each of us there is a strong sense of what is meaningful, what we value and respect. Some are in touch with this, others not. However, whether you realize it or not, your inner self reacts negatively whenever you go against your true values and that which has real meaning for you. The price you pay for this is lack of self-respect.
A simple solution for this is to get in touch with your innate sense of what you truly value. When you sell out, violate your inner trust, you become an easy prey for self-hatred. An excellent antidote to this is living a life you can respect. When you truly respect yourself, you cannot disrespect another. You automatically see what is valuable in them and respond in a positive manner. As you do so, you are engaging in a life worthy of respect.
Exercise:
Stop and take note of the people you respect most in life? Who are your heroes and heroines? What have they done in your eyes to deserve your respect? This will show you what you truly value. Then, look and see if this is also in your life right now. If not, include it. Fill your life with with what you truly value, with deeds of worth.
Repairing Lack of Self Respect
We’ve all made mistakes, some more serious than others. But everything can be repaired when we’re not mired in self-hatred. Self-hatred keeps wounds alive and makes us feel guilty. Many people think that by feeling guilty they’re doing something worthwhile, repairing what they've done wrong. But they’re not. Guilt, a substitute for true reparations, is toxic in many ways. It often prevents us from taking action which would make the necessary corrections and allow us to move forward.
Exercise:
Take a look at what you’ve done that you’re feeling guilty about. Now, ask yourself what you need to do to repair this situation. Is an apology needed? Is there a service you can offer? If the person you’ve wronged is gone, can you make it up by offering something to someone else? Only you know what is truly needed.
See what is needed and do it today. The actions you take will be deeds of worth, deeds of love, correction and respect for others, yourself, and the world you live in. These deeds inevitably benefit all.
It Is Impossible Not To Make Mistakes
It is impossible not to make mistakes. The real question is, have you done what is needed to repair them? Have you turned your errors into beneficial actions for a foundation of meaningful living? Begin right now, see what is needed and repair one error at a time. (You’ll be amazed how wonderful you’ll feel).
Deeds of Worth
“A feeling that’s here one minute and gone the next cannot be considered love.”
Kabir
Deeds of worth heal wounds and prevent fear and anger from arising. It is essential to understand what these deeds are. Respect is not necessarily a feeling, it is a verb, an action we can take no matter how we are feeling. Feelings are like the weather, come and go, they’re not a measure of anything. Although we are not in control of our feelings, we are always in control of how we behave. We can always offer deeds of worth.
When we offer deeds of worth, we are naturally protected from the effects of fear and anger. When negative thoughts arise, replace them with a deed of worth. As you gift others in this way, you will see your life expand. No deed of worth goes unappreciated, no matter who you offer it to.
Danny and a friend were in a park when a dog who was skin and bones came over and put his head on Danny’s lap. Struck by the hungry dog, Danny said, “He’s so hungry, I’ll have to take him home and feed him well.”
Danny then took the animal to his small house to feed and bathe him. At night the dog howled like a coyote, disturbing the neighbors, who complained. Danny shifted the dog to the basement of his home and padded the windows so there wouldn’t be any noise. After two weeks of eating well and enjoying Danny’s backyard every afternoon, his coat was shiny. Then one day, the animal ran away.
Danny looked for him everywhere and missed him greatly. He often wondered how he was. Then one afternoon, while sitting outdoors on the stoop, Danny noticed a pack of stray dogs coming down the block. In front of them was the dog he’d cared for. Danny was thrilled to see him. The dog stopped at the stoop, didn’t move, and gave Danny a long look of love. The dog had returned to thank Danny, before he re-joined the pack to move on.
Discovering Your Deeds of Love
“Happiness comes from being loving, not from being loved.”
Erich Fromm
It’s easy to find out what your deeds of love are. For each person it's different. Take some time and make a list of deeds that are meaningful to you. What makes you feel loved? Which deeds express your love for others? Some people need to receive gifts, cards, flowers, while others feel cared for when a friend promptly returns a phone call or shows up on time. For others, it is very important that their friends keep their word. Any breach of trust makes them feel unloved.
Think of some actions you take that express your concern and love. Again, this differs from person to person. Some examples might be cooking a meal for another person, visiting a friend in the hospital, or running errands for a neighbor who needs the help. Take the time to find out how you enjoy giving to others and what others need from you.
Compare the deeds of worth on your list with the deeds you do each day. There may be a large discrepancy. Take some of the deeds on your list and include them in your daily living, no matter what mood you’re in. It’s especially good to do these deeds for those you're having difficulty with. By thinking of them kindly, and extending yourself, not only will you wipe out your own negativity but will learn to see them in a totally new way.
BIO: Brenda Shoshanna, Ph.d. is an award winning author, playwright, speaker, psychologist and long term Zen practitioner. Her work integrates the teachings of East and West and focuses upon how to live them in our everyday lives. This article is based upon her book, Fearless (Seven Principles of Peace of Mind). Her YouTube channel is DrBrendaShoshanna. Reach her at topspeaker@yahoo.com